I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
