sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
