We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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