Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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