I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
