I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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