i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
