he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
