I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
