Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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