So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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