he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
