I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
