oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
