she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
