I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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