I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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