just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
