we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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