you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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