That's intense
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
