Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My pussy is not your playground.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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