there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
