So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
