meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
