Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
