Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Houston, we have a squirter
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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