I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
