A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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