I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
