I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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