so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
