Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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