worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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