Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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