Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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