remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
