she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
