It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
