Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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