I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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