The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I deserve this hangover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
