I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
