the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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