i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
