he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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