I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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