i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
