The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
