I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
