the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
