Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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