I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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