Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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