So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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