I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
