were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
