Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
