he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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