she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
