Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
