K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
