I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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